supernova

does consciousness weigh anything?

I smoked a cigarette today on my fire escape and right about puked.  I am wearing a Cowichan indian sweater that is too warm for the weather. It is too big for me, it belonged to my granddad. It has been zipped up in plastic as though he's never worn it before.  He used to always put on a thick jacket or big sweater and a hat before a smoke outside on the stoop.  I thought I would christen this sweater with a cigarette from the open pack I took from his room after he died.  I miss him, I wish I had asked him more questions.   My throat hurts.


creamy nail polish
creamy grey clouds and starlings
idle but deadly


"Idle but deadly" is on the pack of cigarettes.  I miss my grandma too, I think if I had explained to her buddhism she would have accepted that she was the closest thing to a buddhist nun without taking any vows.  She taught me to never kill insects, instead let them outside if they're intimidating so they can "do their work".  She taught me even the scariest looking spider is more scared of me.  She taught me that hate is never worth it, never.  I still save worms from the sidewalk when it rains, and I'm 26 years old.  Being this age and continuing this tradition causes people to think I'm strange.  I don't know what age has to do with it.


if knowledge is time
why fear the harmless creatures
while we grow older


My family never really talks about either of them.  I understand it's difficult but it makes me feel like they never existed.  I wonder if they still do.  I have heard scientific basis for the spirit or soul or mind continuing on as ordered energy.  The more I read of it the less it makes any sense which is a letdown.  The "white light" people interpret during a near death experience has been proved as your stressed brain, deprived of oxygen, pooling its firing ability into our most primitive areas.  The visual cortex and brainstem: When only these are stimulated all we perceive is light.  As a brain re-engages, the closest lobe to these areas is the temporal (memory).  We experience the most emotional, deeply rooted memories thus our life flashes.  Current neuroscience explains seemingly mystical experiences.  But if consciousness, as some believe, is a form of energy separate from the brain, and if energy cannot be created nor destroyed... can it remain ordered though our bodies die?  Do not mistake my curiosity for religion.  Philosophical, maybe.  First I would entertain physics combined with neuroanatomy but maybe I'd rather not prove/disprove possibilities in this case.  I could come up with a solid haiku for this train of thought.  For fear of not doing the subject justice I won't.

I wish I had made this video.. So so badly.

the more you learn the less you know

anomalously,

humans behave, humans learn

permission required

despite exciting new research humans are more and more capable of conducting, we know little about brains. when i witness a brains potential, for example it's ability to create new ways of communication... or develop new understanding of an environment from entirely different processes, i feel weak.  the power involved- if it took to any other form of organised energy would suffocate you.  in autistics that haven't acquired language, the interpretation of the world is alien to us.  that is not to say they do not have an alternative understanding.  an autistics neural network is "wired" differently; different areas have dominance and higher activity.  these are no less complex.  if therapists turned their role around - tried to learn their language - by first understanding what expression of communication comes naturally to the patient, then teaching them our verbal language would be much easier. we have just as much to learn

visual wisdom

exploring a world of sound

a deep end lesson

i see the same misunderstandings between humans and all other humans and for this matter, all other life on earth.  when we reach a goal we reuse the process of how we came to accomplish it. this is a form of language. this is a piece of evolution. to reach understanding between people, who by all observable indications cannot relate, we must confront two aspects. the obvious communication barrier and our individual cognitive development -guided by different processes for integration of the same information. this is as true for autistics on the spectrum as it is true for people of different cultures, generations and interests

with a stable mind

a question lead to questions

circling the same goal

Living Liquids

This inspired me to write of dolphins and autism. But for now:

Behaviour: Manifestations of Principles

I was thinking of war today and about children, and of the link between joy-killing a bird with a slingshot versus joy-killing a human in illegal combat.  Seems that people capable of developing this behaviour lack capability of introspection to some degree.  In wars case, brainwashing aside, there is something very normal about becoming a sociopathic soldier.

Can a conscience based on logic alone really be considered a conscience if there is no analysis of the decision, or factoring-in of the circumstance?  If this is the case, then provisions of consequence are absent while self gratification overcompensates.

Children develop morality partially through adoption and internalization of standards of their environment.  Development of morality can be thought of as a stabilization project; an individuals identification with values, as well as recognition of certain behaviour that facilitate survival among their species.  A children's perception of what moral code is, depends on others reactions to a behaviour, or observing those who violate a code etc etc.  Learning to resist temptations to transgress in the event of a 'moral dilemma' is part of this process too.


If no guilt emerges after a behaviour or in anticipation of possible punishment, then relief is bound as result of the behaviour.  The feeling of relief gives an impression of happiness.  This becomes the impulse to the behaviour, so the 'moral-standard' is considered less effective or competent.  Repetition of the behaviour gains the individual a relief feeling, it may become a form of mild addiction, favouritism.  In early stages of cognitive development, rewarded behaviour (considered beneficial) solidifies a foundation for emotional and intellectual growth.  In a no-perceived-guilt circumstance, components of normal development are coerced by "good" reward for "bad" behaviour.  I'll call it growth through reward-punishment based judgement.  Conditioning to the 'good feeling for bad behaviour' occurs thus the need for stronger stimuli.   If the behaviour is amplified in this way through to adulthood, it has potential to evolve into a condition, a behaviour with intentions distinguishable from the original behaviour.  I probably need to explain or elaborate on this train of thought, but it's my blog so deal.  

Morality exists or can be established socially and internally and is treated through experience. Moral obligation however, can be an external expectation in a different way: As an owing to a given set of standards which can also deter a certain behaviour not through guilt or punishment, but through conformity.  Toxic human behaviour can be taught and contained using the same method.   Who would make better students for war than humans who already confuse unacceptable external stimuli with normal cognitive interactions.  

Long Live This King